Conclusive Conceptions

This is my office. As you could see, I didn't get the biggest, it doesn't even have a window and it might even look a little bit like a glorified store room. But I've made it mine as much as I could and in that attempt, made is as beautiful as I could. The floral painting out there is something I got in the arts exhibition last year. The painter should've used bold yellow on the skies to accent the sunset. But yeah... Better than the junk at the reception, rite? This porcelain paperweight is Chinese and its said to bring good luck; but I don't know. Everyone knows that Chinese are good at selling BS. This pen, the calendar out there, my desktop wall paper and almost everything here is something I liked and chose. But my job...

*Phone gargles*

Just a minute...

"Good Morning. This is Geeks420. I'm Shreya. How can I help you?"
"..."
"Oh yes... yes Mottayyan. We are still trying to fill that position. Can you please forward your resume to Shreyas@geeks420.com?"
"..."
"Yeah. I understand. What is your rate?"

"..."

"Are you looking for benefits?"

"..."

"Ok. I'll forward that to one of our developers right away and let you know. What will be the best number to reach you at?"
"..."
"973...979...2797. Ok! I'll keep you posted. Thanks for calling."
"..."
"Bye"

Well... Where were we? Oh yeah... My job! I'm sure you would be smart enough to infer that my name is Shreya and I work for Geeks420 as a recruiter. An interesting name to a company isn't it? Our boss wanted to name it Geeks to at least have them in the name; but mother internet had conceived too many children at that point making my boss's dream impossible. So he added his birthday 20th April to Geeks and named it Geeks420; but the Indian Penal Code gave a suitable and hilarious perspective to it. Coming back to me, I'm commerce undergraduate, and an economics postgraduate relying ultimately on English which I never learned past my high school. Married to a software engineer working for Verizon, mother of two kids, trying to get more a-holes, if you will, added to this company. In the US, making a living with a single working member becomes tough unless your husband makes truckloads of money. With a husband like mine, you would've to work overtime to compensate.

Before I forget, I've to schedule an interview for the dumbo who just called. He's always available in the market and God knows how he's making a living. You know the worst part? He has a family with two kids... poor souls... and he wants benefits as well. Imagine... Paying him is an overhead and he wants insurance on top of it. Funny rite? And I'm not sure if this guy is one of those 23 yr olds with 10 yrs of experience and a post graduation; like they had a laptop in their mother's womb. Join me and I'll show you around. You wouldn't believe how much crap is going on here!

Do you see the one sitting in the next office? Her name is Priya.

"Hi Priya... How are you?" She's from North India and you could see the arrogance in everything she does. In what way? Well... err... it's hard to explain you know... But you'll feel it. She's another recruiter here. Hardly knows how to talk to a candidate and all her recruits are crappy. Last week she hired a candidate for 120K and you know what? The clients have deemed him unfit this week. Sort of like cutting the company's throat for the commission. All North Indians are like that... you know?

The one next to her is Tracy and I honestly don't know why she is being paid. She eats 6 times a day and walks around the floor for the rest of the time. Yells at the top of her voice all the time and even if she speaks the kindest words in the world you will feel like a wrestler punching you right on your face, particularly the ears. One person I can't stand.

The Chinky guy over there is Charles. He is from Vietnam or some other country that is hard to locate on the world map. But we have a convenient term - Chinky that can be applied to anyone whose eyes aren't wide enough.; and I always call him one. The funny thing is... he calls himself American. Getting a citizenship here and being an American are two different things in my view and this guy doesn't have a clue about it. Another useless recruiter who is so good at losing money gambling. Trust me. If he ever wrote an autobiography and named it "Top 10 ways to lose money gambling", he would've been a millionaire now. Not that he can write that well... you know what I mean... Insane guy loses half his pay cheque or check since we are in the US, gambling every month.

The five offices next to them are occupied by the sales department and don't even get me started on them. False promises stacked over false promises! I find their very sight repulsive. If they were able to get at least 1 customer per 100 phone calls, the company strength would've been doubled now. I think most of them just keep talking to their friends and family. Free lunch, free calls, free trips. Brain naturally dies you see. Useless fellows claiming that they have seen unicorns and angels.

This is Tom's cabin. As you would imagine with any boss's office, this one is naturally bigger than all the offices here with three glass walls. Only after meeting him I started believing in the idiom "Every dog has its day". Every Dilbert story I ever read is like his biography in parts and I get a feeling that being dumb is important to become a boss. There are times I feel intellectually insulted to work for such a guy; but then all bosses across the world are dumb and being a smart person, I can't become one. So there you go!

This is the most interesting part. The "Software Development" division filled with freaks who call themselves geeks. Look at their attitude and you'll know. No one here knows a thing about programming; but they yap about it for hours.

Do I know programming? No no. I hate sitting in front of a computer like an idiot and I think no smart person would do that. So I didn't want to be a programmer. But I know enough to know that these guys have zilch programming knowledge. I'd bet dimes to donuts that these guys don't have half of what it takes to be called geeks. And you know the funny part? We've like a hundred guys back in India who are so intellectually handicapped that these guys end up complaining about them.

I hate to make personal comments; but getting one of these idiots interview a prospective idiot is such a difficult task. They always claim to be busy and I always see them surfing the internet still having the air of "I'm a developer" pride around them. The funny looking guy out there in that greasy white shirt is the one who is supposed to handle the interview today. Just see what happens...

"Hi Praveen. How are you?"
"Am fine..."
"Can you do a screening for me today?"
"Today I'm quite busy. Can you get someone else do it?"
"No Praveen. Tom wants you to personally do this interview. It's an urgent requirement and it shouldn't take more than 30 minutes to screen."
"Well... I'll let you know by noon"

Let's walk back to my office as we talk. See... Didn't I tell you? Unbelievable arrogance. Until I say "Tom" he wouldn't even say anything close to a yes.

*Cell phone rings*

"Hello..."
"..."
"Yeah this is Shreya..."
"..."
"Hey hi... I just spoke to the developers. Have you sent me the resume?"
"..."
"Oh... Ok! Let me know whenever you are ready."
"..."
"Thanks Bye..."

*hangs up*

"you idiot!"

It's at Mottayyan again. God knows who named him! Says he's got a doctor's appointment that he forgot and he'll not be able to attend the interview today. What a lame way of saying "I have another interview to attend"? I'm sure he'll call back tomorrow and I should go begging one more time.

Good God... Why wouldn't I hate this job when I work for a boss who knows nothing but being a boss, trying to find arrogant freaks with zilch programming knowledge who will end up giving the "I'm too busy" crap to me? I hate this job so much and the day I get out of this job will be the happiest day in my life and this office would really go bonkers when that happens.

*phone gargles again*

"Yes Tom"
"..."
"Sure"

One minute. My boss wants to boss over me for some time. Dilbert time. I'll be right back.

*Ten minutes later*

You know what? The a-hole fired me. Says I'm not doing much work and they can manage without me. And you know the worst part? People have complained that my attitude is not good. How untrue and unfair? He didn't even think about my family and kids. I've been so kind to others. Never said a word about anyone. I so loved my job, you know!

What are you laughing at? People have become so selfish, disrespectful and disloyal these days. I just can't put up with them. Why is everyone...

*Door slams shut... voice fades*

Onsite - Short Story

12th floor of Elements high raised apartments in Bellevue. My clock says it's 7:30; but now that the Americans have manually displaced time by 1 hr, forcing it to run faster; the time is actually believed to be 8:30 PM. You know... like a lie that's universally believed. I could see almost the entire town from my patio and in the nights, the view is at is best. I should admit it gives me the "I'm on top of the world" feeling; though the reality is that the world is sitting on top of me and in fact, crapping all over me. I'm an onsite coordinator in a consulting company here. What do I do? Oh well... that's kind of hard to explain in one sentence; but let me give it a shot. I talk to the dumbest people on earth, frequently termed as clients; and then pass on my version of their expectation from our company to the silver medalists - the offshore team. In this process, I would've to make sure that my boss makes money and I also come up with a lot of documents explaining what, how and when things ought to be done with a clear conception that nothing is going to go on the way I've explained. And yeah... I also interview people who are willing to be crapped on, train people with zilch programming knowledge and convert them into programming gurus (or at least make them believe they are one). With these believers, I ought to deliver above and beyond client expectations without thinking about any increase in pay, as recession has affected the job markets here. What? Coffee? No no no... I don't supply coffee; and in fact none does. Heard it's against the US labor laws; and the employees are supposed to brew their own hot water... err... coffee!

Enough said about me! Let me try to make a Memento (as in the movie remade in Tamizh as Gajini; not a token of remembrance, that usually comes down to a soap box or the cheapest trophy in the market) out of my moments.

5 years back... Chennai, India

Manager (Imagine a middle aged, wheatish, stout person with a head balded akin to a Samurai, dressed in an apple green shirt and a brown pant with a black belt and brown shoes): What are you going to do getting a promotion? Trust me it doesn't help. Will you take a word of advice?
Me (5 yrs younger and 15 kgs lighter): Tell me.
Manager: I'll initiate your US visa. That's the way to go buddy!
Me (Rolling Eyes): Oh!
Manager: So, we are settled here. *Grins*

1 day back...

Me: I just did a comparison of the client working set with the repo and I see a lot of differences
OTL: Yes. Looks like I didn't check in some changes into the repository.
Me: But you said it's all in sync.
OTL: Yeah. My local copy is in sync.

3 years back... Chennai, India

Manager: I tried really hard for your promotion this time. It looks like you would've surely got it if you joined our company a couple of weeks before.
Me: But...
Manager: Don't worry! I'll surely get it for you next time.
Me: (Thinking, this has become a fable now) What happened to my visa?
Manager: It's on its way. Embassy takes its time you know...
Me: When do you expect it to be done?
Manager: Pretty soon. Don't worry! So we are settled here. *Grins*

2 days back...

Client: I'm not going to pay for this month. You guys have done absolutely nothing in the past couple of months and you don't even know how to set up a basic repository.
Me: But I heard from the offshore team that everything is setup and working. There should be some communication gap somewhere. I'll personally look into it and address it.
Client: You better do it!

Same night

Me: What is happening? Why can't you even setup a repository correctly?
OTL: Everything is fine in our checks. I've compared my working set with the repository and everything is in there.
Me: Did you always keep your working copy in sync with the client working copy?
OTL: Yes.
Me: Sure?
OTL: Yeah. 100%

2 years and 1 day back... Chennai, India

(There is this group called immigration team that's supposed to help us out with Visa processing and other stuff; but what they do best is to scare the crap out of you and perhaps make you think that you need a special petition to continue your Indian citizenship)

Immigration Team Member: These are your documents. It contains the project description too. Keep it by-heart. If you don't answer a question right, your visa will be rejected.
Me (Beginning to sweat a little): Looks like the description doesn't meet the actual project that I'm going for.
ITM: I know! But this document is your bible. If you don't know it in and out, you are doomed! (dialog from "Full Metal Jacket" echoing in my ears... "This is my document. There are many others like it; but this one's mine. My document is my best friend...")
Me: Ok. Thank You.

1 year back...

* Outlook notifies an email from client *

"... A school kid will do a better programming than you guys and you completely failed to be of any value to us..."

* Sky is filled with darkness and night announces its presence *

Me: I've repeatedly told you how to fix these issues. I've presented the solution. I've given you the specifications. I've been there staying up all night long... What else do you expect me to do?
OTL: I know! But it's working in our local copy.

1 year, 11 months and 2 days back... American consulate, Chennai, India

* Mixed voices in fast forward motion *
"Your appointment letter and passport"
"Your documents"
"Join this line"
"Is this the correct document for H1-B stamping?"

Finally, in front of the immigration officer.
Officer: Good Morning! How are you?
Me: Fine. Thanks. My documents...
*Officer seriously typing something and I was wondering how she found out it's not the right project in my petition request *
Officer: What is your skill-set?
Me: Oh skills... Yeah... Java, J2EE, err... Smalltalk
Officer: Your petition is approved. You'll get your visa in 1 week.
Me: Huh?! Thanks!

1 year, 4 months back...

Me: "Looks like the build is completely unstable. There is nothing working"
Offshore team lead: It works in my local copy.
Me: Ok... Let's try to figure out what went wrong; and have our discussion tomorrow.

1 year, 6 months and 1 day back... Travel desk, Chennai, India

(Travel desk is a bunch of guys who help you travel from India to other countries in the longest possible route)

Agent: We're working on your tickets sir. Please wait.
* 3 hours pass by *
Agent: Don't be in a hurry sir! See... This gentleman has his flight tonight. We are working on his ticket and you have a full day left! Don't worry you'll be in US day after :)
* Dumbfounded and back to the lobby *
* 3 more hours pass by *
Agent: Here is your itinerary sir. Your destination is Seattle; and you will go from Chennai to Mumbai, Mumbai to Bangalore, Bangalore to Delhi, Delhi to Beijing, Beijing to Hong Kong, Hong Kong to San Francisco, San Francisco to...
Me: It's ok! I'll take care!

1 year and 6 months back... Sea-Tac airport, USA

* Telling myself * At last...

1 year, 5 months and 29 days back...

Boss: Hope you have settled in here.
* continues without waiting for an answer *
You have been assigned to project A and project B. You may have to do some development in project B; but project A is primarily coordination. Talk to Arun and he will give you all the information needed. Ok? Take it easy man! * smiles and leaves *

4 hrs back till now... Soliloquy

Is it really worth working with these guys?
Am I really doing the right thing?
Is this what I'm destined for?
* Questions flooding my brains *

What? Why am I not going back to India? Well... That's an interesting way of looking at it. You know... Hey just a sec. Offshore call guys. BRB!

The largest continent!

I'm not a big fan of gyms; but recently I was contemplating joining one primarily for diversion from this world of computers that I'm living in. As usual, the Libran in me chipped in and I was confused if I should make use of the apartment gym/swimming pool - though they look more like a store room and a water tank respectively - or I should pay like 30 bucks a month and drive 10 miles to get to the cheapest gym around. I didn't come to a conclusion, quite as expected; but I had an interesting experience.

Anyone who's spent some time in US, especially the US gyms would be able to tell the difference between the way a desi guy works out (I'm not talking about fitness freaks here); and an American works out. Most of the desi guys hardly have a clue as to what they should do next and they most often end up in the next available equipment! :)) It's kind of weird to describe but extremely funny to watch - like a pregnant cat trying to decide the place where it's going to deliver! When I went to the gym to do my case study, there was another desi guy there looking around and trying to figure out the best workout strategy. That made two of us and I was happy to know I had company... You know... You don't really feel all that silly when someone else is also doing what you are doing; even if you are doing the dumbest thing on earth! A feeling of being with the community :D

So I ended up in one of the treadmills (just so I don't like like I'm picnicking there :D) and started to walk at a snail pace; quietly observing the other guy. There was a TV at the far end of the gym and some night mode shots and a sand boa were combined in an attempt to scare the viewers. I decided not to look stupid and I stuck to my treadmill while this guy was cycling, weight-lifting, walking and jogging within 15-20 mins; and just as it goes with desi guys, we hardly exchanged smiles or names.

After a while, I felt I walked too much (the meter almost approached 0.5 miles which is too much :D) and I was just about to start back home when this guy started a conversation...

"Are you in C block?"

"No... E block"

"There are many desis in C block"

"Oh..."

"Which part of India are you from?"

"Tamizh Nadu"

"I am AP" (like Gounder saying I yaam Mekanikal bullet jaaki) "My name is Raju"

"Oh..."

"Where are you working"

...Told my office name...

Which technology, which client, how long have you been here and all other de-facto questions followed and I had no choice but to answer them all. Then came the most interesting part of the conversation.

"Did you see the program? They were showing big big snakes"

"Yeah" (Paamba paatthu dhaana bayandha)

"What was the name of the program... Big konda... no no Megakonda" (Konda = Mountain in Telugu :D)

"Yeah"

"Here they have big big snakes..."

"Yeah! African snakes are quite large" (Thinking that he was talking about Anacondas)

"US and Europe snakes are also big."

* continues curiously *

"In Africa, is it big?"

"Yeah. Those snakes are supposed to be the largest"

"No no... I'm asking about the size of Africa"

"Yeah... It's quite big. After all, it's the second largest continent in the world"

"The largest is Europe?"

"Err... No Asia" (I thought Geography was mandatory till X grade)

"Oh... Next"

"Africa" (Adhaan sonnaenae da)

"Next..."

"North America and it goes all the way till Australia" (vittaa paadam nadattha cholluvaainga paola irukku)

...A short pause...

Me: "How long have you been in US" (out of curiosity and badly wanting to change topic)

Him: 6 years (Super la :D)

On a normal day, I would've extended the conversation to have fun; but I was in no mood the other day and the entertainment session ended there. I know that a vast majority of the American people (no offense meant) are ignorant of such basic facts; but for the first time I met an Indian who thought Europe was the largest continent in the world.

Haircut special - part 3

People who have been reading my blog for a while would know about the great haircut I had back in Mississippi. I had a haircut sometime back here; but that was a typical gentleman crop where the only thing you lose is 15$ and your hair more or less remains the same :D So there was nothing so fancy about it.

But a month and a half later, my hair was back to its terrific form and pretty much resembled a bonsai when uncombed. So, after a loooooooooooong wait (I'd rather call this India special wait as I thought of having this round of haircut back in India during my vacation and in fact, I'd say I've been delaying this more or less like people who grow hair for offering in Tirupati), I finally decided to get my haircut today. Thanks to vadivelu I was smiling while actually laughing my heart out during each phase of the haircut.

Step 1: Explaining what I need

Me: I would like to have a close cut on the sides and back perhaps 2 or 1 and gradually go up to a 3 or 4 or the front, long enough to brush.

Barber (staring as if I said New Delhi is the capital of US): But that will be too short.

Me (mind voice): Idhu adhu la!

Step 2: Barber being courteous

Barber (after trimming my side burns): This is number 3. Is that ok to have it this short?

Me: Doesn't sound that bad! Yeah! (mind voice: avasarappattuttaenao)

Step 3: Mowing

Just before I realized, she shaved off a semicircle from the back of my head.

Me (thinking): Aaahaa! Kelambittaaingayyaa... Kelambittaaingayyaa... I was also reminded of this comedy where vadivelu goes to a hotel and describes how perfectly he wants his ootthappam (for about 5 mins) and the waiter says "Master oru ooooooootthaaaaappam!" in the end.

Step 4: Step cutting

This was the most hilarious phase of the haircut. With all my hair gone more or less like Sethu Vikram, She was trying to trim the hair on the sides with a comb.

Me (thinking): Yeiiiiiiii... Yenna vacchu comedy keemidi pannalayae :D

Step 5: Feedback

Barber: Everything looks ok? (with a broad smile)

Me: Of course! (sarcastic obviously!) (Thinking:) Innum motta adicchu kaadhu kutthiru. Panksan remmmmmba sirappaa nadakkum! :))

So, there I was with a horrible haircut but smiling my a** off; thanks to Vaigai puyal. But one good thing as with all these horror experiences is that I need not think about a haircut for the next couple of months.

OMG! It's boring...

People who have been working for quite some time will know that being without much work to do for a prolonged period of time can be really boring; unless you have a host of personal activities to do (as in my case :D). Today, I got the opportunity to see my manager getting bored. No offense meant to managers, but though their job profile means much lesser job and much greater pay; today it was the peak of joblessness for my manager. Usually he has something or the other to bug me with and if he runs out of ideas, opens the stupid effing site and comes up with some brilliant 'proactive' thoughts like "Can we place this drop down on the left end because I often tend to miss this one..." and leaves me thinking "Vittaa oru kanna moodittu innoru pakka screen teriyala nu solluvaan pola irukku" (I wouldn't be surprised if he closes one of his eyes and says he is not able to see the other side of the screen). But now that the application has become decently stable, he is literally running out of tasks to give me and hence work!

Today, I could sense that obvious restlessness in him and we had about 5 or 6 meetings today, discussing nothing. He would first go into a meeting room, draw some crap on the board (some time can be spent there) and then he'd come back to us (me and the tester) and start the meeting. There will be virtually nothing to discuss but the tester and my manager would be so seriously discuss about it; while I'd be happily sight seeing through the broad window (how much I wish I had my cam and the 70-300mm VR lens with me :D). Inbetween meetings, he will come to my cubicle and ask me "what's up boss?" and though I'd be dying to say "Server is up, North is up, roof is up, your time is up; I'd control my instincts and the evil grin, and tell him something about what I'm doing with the complete assurance that he won't understand it.

The whole day went in repeated iterations of these activities with an hour and half long 'power-lunch' inbetween. Needless to say I'm enjoying work these days! :D :D

Kutthunga ejamaan kutthunga... :)

Haircutting in US has always been a hilarious experience (except that I end up getting my top damaged :D); and today I saw the heights of it. The principle behind a haircut has always been the same with me - spend minimal money, get maximum hair cut and look handsome (I know this is a fantasy; but that is what fantasies are about, isn't it :)). Unfortunately, it is always a choice between 1 and 2 (3 being an obvious impractical choice); and today was the best (or should I say the worst) of all my experiences.

Ok... let me narrate it. I went to a barber shop earlier today and it was moderately sized with three members working in it... I believe they all belong to a family. A couple of them were busy with other customers and there was this enormously fat lady who came to us (there was another guy waiting before me) and asked if she could help us. The other guy instantly declined and said that he is waiting for another barber to get done with his current customer. For the briefest of moments I thought "Aahaa... Thelivaa escape aayittaanae... Villangam edhaavadhu irukkumao? (Is this a trap)" and immediately dropped the pessimistic thought considering the fact that my haircut is pretty straightforward and anyone with the least bit of experience would consider it a cake walk. I settled down and told her 1 on the sides and the back; and 3 on the front (the heights of standardizing things... Out here the haricuts are numbered from 1 through 5; where 1 means a cut that reveals your scalp through the diffractions on the left over hair; and 5 means you pay the barber unnecessarily). In my place this style is quite common and people say "Munnaadi mattum vaarra alavukku mudi irukkattumne... Pinnadi side ellaam nallaa close a edutthu 'paa'naa adicchurunga" :D

Then the great show started. The trimming machine started to take weird turns on my scalp and at one point, she was rolling the chair and holding the machine just so it avoids the heavy, time consuming movement of her pillars err legs. I was reminded of the vadivelu comedy in thalainagaram where he says "Rolling a po..." :D Half way through the battle, ceasefire was announced through a phone call; and our cannon ball took 10 full minutes to just note down the name of the person who called... Come on... she has to move, attend the call, come back, pick the register and then note the name on it. The sight of my hair at that moment almost gave me a heart attack. The machine had played kabbadi on my scalp and like an uninhabited, unmaintained valley it was full of crests and troughs of hair. At that point, the damage was already done and there was no way I could ask her to get back the lost hair. So I thought what the heck, let's see what she is upto.

After the 10 minutes ceasefire, the battle resumed and this time scissors formed alliance with the machine and the battle became fierce. I was thinking "Adaengappaa... Anga enna irukku nu ekuipment ellaam maatthi try pannra (what is left over to show your versatility)". The whole thing was crowned by the finishing touch. Remember I said 3 on the front... So she left out a small strand of hair in the front (when I say front, I mean exactly the front - just the narrow streak that falls on your face when you pull down your hair on your face) and I was literally having a 'kudumi' in the front. :D The best part was, she asked me "Is everything fine?" and she honestly thought this is what I wanted. I was reminded of many comedy scenes, the top one being the Koundamani comedy from Gentleman where he says "Pottlam otta sonnaa okkaandhu otta paottu kondu vandhurukkaan paaru... Idhu rejetted" :)) Controlling my laughter and a bit of disappointment, I said "please make it even" and she gave the final touch of cutting down the last few long hairs left. In 20 minutes, I was transformed from first half Sethu to second half Sethu; and I paid 7$ for the quick service and 1$ tip for her attitude to work despite the extreme difficulty in moving her Yokozuna body.

The worst damage came from a couple of my colleagues. One asked me "Did you pay someone for this? Come on I would've given you my clippers" and another stared at me for about 3 minutes with complete shock on his face and then said "Worstu haircut". Before I could even respond, he left the place. :)) The first time I cut my hair in the US, I asked for 'army cut' and it was my fault to have uttered those two words. But today, I was cautious enough to give the instruction that gave me decent haircuts in the past... But as luck would have it, I ended up in a haircut worser than my first haircut and isn't it the right time to say "Kutthunga ejamaan kutthunga... Indha Amerikka kaaraingalae ippidi dhaan..." :))

No idea...

A continuation of the F section memories I should say; and this one was one of the trademarks of the class! :)

Almost everyone who completed college would have an idea on how lecturers reprimand the students when they are not attentive in the class; and the most popular trick is to ask questions on the subject and when the student couldn't answer, they start giving advices that are no longer connected to the subject. Depending on the age of the lecturer, the tone would differ and let me try to give you a few examples...

A lecturer in late twenties through mid thrities - "Don't try to act smart. It'll take you nowhere. All this might sound funny. But you know for a fact that I control your internal marks... So better beware"

A lecturer in forties - "Kids these days hardly have any respect. When you face life, you would know how tough it is and not a day will go by without you repenting for these bad things and lack of attention in your college life"

An even older lecturer/professor - "When you look at life from your perspective it might sound too easy and careless. But when you cross ages and gain experiences you would know how tough it is to survive in the never ending competition. Professors are not your enemies. They are like the light that takes you to the............(continues until the bell rings)"

We had a physics lecturer who was (I believe) in the second category and we had nick-named her "Simran"! Somehow her way of teaching would remind me of my high school physics lessons and I hardly remember a word of what she taught us... Actually we had two physics lecturers and the other person was nick named "Nambiyar" since he always had that villain look on his face and his dialog delivery was typically like that; but he used to escape from our direct insults because he hardly cares about what students think or do during his sessions. Ocassionally he used to say "If you wand to talku, you can get outu"... That's all! So there was a gentleman (?!) agreement between us that neither of us would disturb each other...

Coming back to Miss. (Now Mrs?!) Simran, she was particular in making sure that everyone listened to what she taught and as a result, during the initial days she resorted to the text book approach of questioning the defaulters about some crappy formulae or integral equations. Just like anti-bodies that come up with some defense mechanism for every known attack, we formulated a way of tackling such things - the "No idea" scheme. The basic concept of being an anti-social element is simple. You always need to be united as a group... We all knew that the college wouldn't go too far to debar the whole class considering the scores we had (despite all our misbehaviors our average score was way higher than the averages of other sections) and that the management wasn't too stupid/sensitive to debar a class for these minor misbehaviors. If you are an individual, the situation drastically changes to adversity though! :)

The idea we formulated was simple. If someone is pointed out for mischief and asked to getup to answer a question, the person should say "No idea" even before the question was asked and even better, the next guy will voluntarily wakeup and say the same. This would continue till either the whole class is standing or the lecturer loses patience and either leaves our hall angrily or asks us all to GFO. The first day we implemented this idea, we were all ROTFL ing after the session and Ms. Simran was literally clueless about what was going on! Believe me... As arrogant as it sounds, it is one of the best memories we share and the contagious spirit with which we used to say "No idea" still lingers in my ears. Though we were rebels, the extent of unity we had was unbelievable and I could hardly imagine another class that could've possibly done the same thing. :)

'F' section...

Disclaimer: The 'F' in title is no way connected to the 'F' word... :)

Films and books tend to exaggerate college life way more than what it actually is, but sure enough it's one of the best phases of life. Unlike the kids in US or any other western countries, Indian kids enjoy the most comfortable phase of their life at college (though they never realize it when they were actually in that phase :)) because they are not bullied like the school days or forced to make money like the later stages of life. When I think about my college days looking at an email from a good old friend or holding a cup of coffee during a break, lost in thoughts; I often feel I could've lived it better... I haven't even talked with everyone (especially girls) in my class! :) I got some good friends, gained some exposure and had my share of fun during the later years but the best part of it was definitely the first semester... We were in the 'F' section when the college was adjusting to the expansion and we had weird timings (some days our classes started at 10:30 and went up to 6:30 while some other days, they begin at 8:00 and end at 3:00) that left the management with no choice to move people using the college transportation into one class. During this relocation stuff, it so happened that 'F' section was full of guys because all girls wanted to use the college transportation... It was like a demonstration of how bad a class can be to the lecturers and how good a class can be, for the guys. Among the whistles, claps, 'proxies', hilarious comments and spoofs, if I say, we enjoyed the semester, it would be an understatement...

I couldn't list out all the incidents at a stretch in a single post but let me tell you the most hilarious (most insulting from the lecturer's view point and I personally felt bad about it too) incident that happened towards the end of the semester... We had an English lecturer called Mr. Sadasivam who was a very soft person and his voice reflected it too. Imagine an English class where the lecturer delivers monotonous mumbles! Naturally, the guys enjoyed spoiling the sessions; and most of the guys wouldn't even turn up to the class. On that day, there were just 20 or 25 guys in the class whose full strength is about 70; and as usual our lecturer was mumbling something about English grammar. The guys started off their part - clapping hands for some statements made, laughing too long when the lecturer tried to be humorous, et al. Towards the end of the session, the lecturer made a note of the attendance and with the same person repeating 'Yes sir' and 'Present sir' over 5 or 6 times, the register showed just two absentees when there were about 50 persons absent... I mean, the whole class was blank and the register was brimming with attendance :D

So he said "You people are giving proxies" (clap... clap... clap) "I don't mind that at all." (Clap... clap... clap) "All I'm asking is don't stay in my class and disturb it. I'm not here to tame animals" (Clap... clap... clap). He took a long pause and said "I'm calling you animals indirectly and still you don't understand" and the guys started clapping once again! That's it... He was never seen in our class once again! We heard that he was supposed to handle the second semester English sessions for us; but he declined to teach us again... Though I feel he could've handled the sessions better, I think we overreacted, considering the type of person he is. But still, I couldn't control my laugh everytime I think about the incident.

Childhood memories...

Childhood memories are perhaps the best treasures a man carries across his life; and the moment we start thinking about the good old days, we start feeling young at heart and that feeling is just priceless... I believe this is true with anybody except if your childhood happened to be as horrible as Kaadhal kondaen Dhanush or something... :)

The first thing that comes to my mind when I think of my childhood is the 'without' travels. People from Tamilnadu should be understanding what 'without' means but if you are not aware of the term, it means traveling without a ticket in a bus or a train or anything that expects you to have one. :) I've done quite a lot of that during my school days especially the high school days. Ever since my VII or VIII stds, I've been traveling around in my bicycle and towards the end of my schooling till date, bike has been my companion; but even before the days of my bicycle, I used to travel a lot in the PRC buses (the TNSTC buses as they are called now). The tickets from my home to the school used to be One rupee and ten paise back then, and my pocket money was 2 rupees per day... :) The first day of the week my dad gave me 5 rupees and I was supposed to roll over the balances to maintain the 20 paise deficit per day and my favorite way of rolling up better sums was a 'without' travel. Frozen milk coloquially termed '1 roovaa pepsi' (Small traders give a damn about copyrights :D) was extremely popular those days and I used to spend one rupee per day (at least) to get my favorite chocolate flavored 'pepsi' and that means my one way trip is already destined to be a 'without' trip. :) Sometimes the pepsi count may become two which means the next morning's travel was also added to the list of classics...

There was a guy called Sundarrajan who used to stay near my place and we used to run a contest on who does the maximum 'without' travels in a month; and the pride of winning and the taste of 'pepsi' had me going for years in the trade... "I have a pass annaa", "I've already taken the ticket" and a lot of other ready made replies combined with an innocent look (seriously I was looking innocent back then) usually got me out of any troubles even if the conductor asks for a ticket.

This was going on for quite a few days (or should I say years :D) until the D-day came... It was another day in the contest between me and Sundarrajan and the day's credit were shared equally or almost equally until we got down... Just when we were about to get down, the conductor asked "Show me your tickets..." to both of us. As luck would have it, he was already two steps down the stairs and I was just about to get down the stairs... So the moment the conductor asked for the ticket, the guy jumped off and ran like crazy... Obviously I didn't have that luxury and I clearly knew that the conductor was not someone who is going to buy my 'pass' or 'already got the ticket' stuff. So I did the most foolish thing I could've done at the moment... I pulled out 1 rupee and 10 paise from my pocket and I said, "I forgot to buy the ticket. Could you please give me a ticket from SS colony to simmakkal" (there were like 12 stops inbetween... Moreover the bus was more or less empty and on top of it the bus was at the simmakkal stop :D)... The look on the conductor's face and the advice he gave for the next 15 mins can never be forgotten and it sure was an embarrassing moment back then. But whenever I think of the incident, I smile at my 'brilliant' idea and I couldn't resist smiling... :D

P.S: Even after that incident, I was travelling 'without' for a while (naangallaam...). As much as I smile at the 'without' travels, I wish I didn't do so. These days, even if I'm not even obligated to get a ticket, I walk up to the conductor and make sure I pay for it!

Opis komedies...

Title inspired from my friend Srini's series, this was a topic that I wanted to write for a quite long time especially after seeing the regular posts on these lines by Srini... But somehow, office never interested me and to think of office outside work sucked big time! And right now I'm in an office where I work 12 hrs a day and I'm expected to put in more horse power when the others in my team work not a minute more than 8 hrs. Indian, contractor and too many other qualifications got me into this note worthy post... :))

Anyways, this post was intended to be hilarious and so be it! :D To begin with, let me introduce you to the work 'atmosphere' that I have in my office... My project is a truly globalized project because within a small team of 4 members, there is a mix of culture from 4 countries... Yes... All of us are from different countries - India, Pakistan, China and (thankfully at least one from) US. The manager is Pakistani and he is middle aged while the Chinese lady and the American guy are pretty old. My team apart, for every US company listed in the stock market, there will be a Desi (Indian) vendor and there will be a bunch of Indians loitering around in their offices... My office is no exception too and interestingly in a group predominantly comprised of Manavaadus (telugu speaking folks) the guy who sites behind me is a Mallu... The best part is that this state has a lot of black population and I swear to God, "it ain't no simple to follow 'em man"! The guy who sites right across me crowns them all and he has an office that is so crowded with stuff that you wonder how on the world could a 5X5 cubicle be converted into such a deep mess.



Now that you have an idea of the 'atmosphere', I'll tell you some of the very funny thoughts that ran in my mind...

The guy across, eating chips with the pack fitted into his mouth, turning the packet upside down...
Mind voice: Why am I being reminded of an elephant here?

Mallu guy talking to some clients... "The cOmbleet desayn is kOnstrukkkkkktad Offshore andu vee veel be moovingg the fayals tumaarow..." (The complete design is constructed offshore and we will be moving the files tomorrow)
Mind voice: Setthaan edhiri... (Poor Americans!)

The old guy in our project explaining me the logic to copy and archive files...
It ain't gonna do good if the file don't be there. Somthin shoots up and we say no way we lost it all... Send 'em back. So we gonna tell the scheduler Backup... Don't do no delete... Put it up in a folder and gimme a copy. But he's gonna tell you..."
M.V: EKSI

I had a doubt about the way a certain module is built and I was too lazy to go through the code. Since the chinese lady in our project was the only one left, I had to ask her and I had no choice...
Me: Can you tell me if this is written in Java or through an Oracle job?
C.L: Laximan didndnt tall mee iz was phebruary code. Aye checked zhe log paails anzh I thot I didndnt gettu zhe idea... When I go too zhe logs, I see zhe files dare"
M.V: Idhukku code-ae paravaalla (Digging the code sounds much better...)

My manager and I were discussing a small piece of code... He doesn't have much of technical knowledge and Java somehow greatly surprises him...
Me: It's not a good practice to hit the database when the poller actually does nothing until the files arrive. So I've moved the database connectivity inside the if block. I've also eliminated the thread that is causing the memory leak in the scheduler and instead I'm bringing that functionality in here"
Manager nodding all the way...
M.V: Purinjaa maadhiriyae thalaya aattu... (As if you understand...)

:D :D

P.S: Basically all of them are good folks and it's just that at some situations, the mind voice of the Maduraikkaaran invariably crops up... :D

The lengthiest movie I ever watched

I started watching the movie "Aitraaz" (Hindi) sometime in the afternoon yesterday and as with the other movies I watched this week, the source was the DVD collection that I landed upon. But then, as with almost all the DVDs this one hung too; and I had no choice but to continue the movie online. Megavideo has a dvd print of this movie but it has also brought in a stupid rule that one can watch only 72 mins of video consecutively and after that you need to wait 1 full hour (!!!!) to continue watching the rest. So I thought I'd resort to a torrent, download the DVD and then continue... But after trying 7 pages of google results (trust me I tried almost every site) and spending like a few hours on this one, I was almost about to give up when one link said the movie is available online; and guess what? The links given were Youtube links!!!! The print too is pretty decent since the movie is not too new... So effectively, I watched the movie in so many installments over a period of about 12 hrs when I could've just streamed with Youtube. EKSI...

EKSI

People who are from Tamilnadu and chat/Orkut quite often would definitely know the expansion of EKSI - "Enna Koduma Saravanan Idhu?" ("What a cruelty this is" to translate literally :D :D), a dialogue that became so popular after the movie Chandramukhi and I'm sure even the director of the movie wouldn't have known that this dialogue would be such a massive hit when he actually directed the scene! The usage context of this phrase is well demonstrated by the video below :))



You know why I wanted to say EKSI? As I mentioned in my previous post, I'm working on finishing off all the hindi movies in the dvd collection that I discovered (?!) and in the past two days I've watched about 6 movies. But to my surprise, almost every DVD stuck in between or at the end and I had to go online to watch the remaining movie. Trust me even Pardes didn't run fully... Even if I watch the full movie online, I've always got crystal clear prints and uninterrupted streaming for free, especially if the movie is a bit old like the ones I saw yesterday and today. So technically, the guy who spent quite a lot of money in collecting these DVDs couldn't watch the movie one more time (assuming he watched them at least once in that DVD)! EKSI...

Appearances are deceptive!

Wednesday, Dec 3rd 2008 5:30 PM

I was in a milk white Pontiac V8 on the way to New Jersey, for an interview. The stallion was too good with a lot of 'oomph' in it; but I was in no mood to use it! After all, I didn't want to end up getting a ticket for 400$ at this pay-less (disambiguation: pay as in salary ;)) hour and consequentially increase my insurance premium. Like a hero in the mid 80s-90s movies, who lives a real slutty life in the first half, deciding to play the game right after the interval; I told myself "Had this been sometime last year, I would've reached NJ in 3 hrs". On top of it, I really forgot that the entire DC metro area buzzes with cars around this time and the drive to I95 was really testing my patience. On top of this, one of the toll plazas had no assistant in a full service lane and I was forced to violate toll because I had no nickels with me!! Not sure if I'd be fined for that... GOK! After spending over 5 hrs and 20$ for toll, I reached the hotel at NJ about 11:30 PM; and the only good thing about the whole trip was that I found a couple of good repeat rap tracks by T.I(Videos below)and these songs just rocked specially because of the Woofers in the car.


(Loved the lady voice in the song and the chorus)


(Liked the Samuel L Jackson part... I'd would've repeated the Wazzup MF portion of this at least 20 times :D)

If you are confused at this point about the title and its relevance to this post, you got it right... I'm not into the topic yet though I know that Srini could find out some relevance given the content so far! JFF ;) :)

Thursday, December 4 2008 12:10 PM

I was driving through the deserted area to find the place I was supposed to go to and finally ended up finding a real huge building hidden into the woods as depicted in some horror movies. I usually hate wearing typical formals like blue and blue or cream and brown; but since the instructions clearly said Business Formals and that I didn't want my dress to add to the resume misfit I had; I was in a light blue shirt and a dark blue pant, wondering why on earth would people want the candidates to be dressed in monotonous colors. But the moment I entered the lobby of the research lab, I saw about twenty people seated all across the visitors area; and I was the only one without a blazer and I would bet my fortune on my assumption that I was the youngest person there! Chinese and Indians dominated the place reminding me that I was in US and everyone had a huge executive bag with them from which they were picking up some papers every now and then, cross verifying it as if they were some SOP or recommendation letters! I had a bag with me too, but it had a couple of packs of cereal bars since the email said 'Feel free to bring your food and beverages'. "Perhaps there was some other point about certificates too" I thought to myself, realizing that it was too late to even worry about anything.

After 15-20 mins of wait, the test paper was given and we were supposed to complete the test by an hour and fifteen minutes. I wasn't prepared at all and it wasn't hard to find it out when attending the test. Java was the only comfort zone for me and the rest were like completely alien nations though I wouldn't call them the toughest of questions! In the end, we all were seated back in the visitor's area and I was almost sure that I'd be out! To my surprise, I was still in though more than 50% of the candidates were out after the test. There were quite a few chosen for the first round of interview and yet again, I was surrounded middle aged folks wearing shining blazers and brimming with confidence, thinning my hopes every time I saw them. After the first round of interview, almost all the 'probables' I had in my mind were out of the picture. "We aren't that bad" I thought to myself and I eventually ended up being one of the last 4. The results weren't clearly announced that day and right now it's a completely unclear picture; but at least I have hopes left on contrary to my first couple of hours at the interview venue. :)

Travel...

A casual post after a quite long time on a topic that almost everyone loves... :)

Be it a train to Guruvaayoor, a bus to Paappanaayakkampatti or an airplane to the Alps, travel is an interesting experience. Unless the purpose of the travel is something disastrous, quite a lot of noticeably interesting things happen in our journeys and I usually correlate the time spent traveling to that of life; for life in my view is an elongated journey where you know the origin but not the destination! (Ok... no more philosophies... I swear!)

You could see all sorts of characters as though someone really followed statistical techniques to create the sample. People who lock their 1970s model Aristocrat briefcase with a 3 feet long cast iron chain with such a meticulous perfection without realizing that one punch on the face of that briefcase would give two (unusable) briefcases, people who travel short distances with loads and loads of luggages most of which is packed with food and snacks (indha oru vaai saappttu padutthukkappaa... Ippao dhaanammaa murukku thinnaen), people who try to show off their kid's wit/intelligence (amma paer enna, maamaa enna color shirt paottrukkaaru), people who rush to restrooms as soon as the flight takes off as though they've been holding their leak for hours together just so they can be the first to use the restrooms in the plane, people who always choose upper berths in trains just so they can start snoring with the first whistle of the engine, people who stare at vacuum as though it's the doom's day with their ipod plugged to their ears, people who are so curious about others or those who try to be way too friendly... Such a variety that leaves you no short of entertainment.

The best entertainer of the lot I'd say is a flight journey especially if you are taking a 12+ hrs flight from one part of the world to the diametric opposite end of it. Don't know if its the prolonged flight or the curiosity, people are at their hilarious (or may be it's just me) best in such trips. If the neighbor happens to be a good looking chick, all possible gimmicks would be on to impress her. Turning on that cool look, heavily accented English, denying drinks that were his targets when he boarded the flight and trying to talk to her at every single opportunity are the symptoms of flightfigurophilia (Now don't Wiki that!! :)); one of the most interesting diseases on the planet. But I often commend Murphy for his laws and I'm not sure a Nobel was awarded to him (if not it's a grave injustice). You never get a good looking girl for your neighbor and almost always your neighbor is a guy who has the dumbest looks on the planet and keeps drinking every flavor of alcohol that is on board. Some other times, you keep praying for an empty row just so you could stretch yourself and sleep; and there comes the most talkative neighbor you could think of, not even allowing you to watch a movie in peace. :)

All in all, there are two best ways to kill boredom - call for a meeting or plan a short trip with your eyes wide open!

Let's get to work

One prominent advantage of being in IT industry is that it offers (arguably) the most colorful work atmosphere that is a cocktail of people from various backgrounds who are notably different in many aspects including accent, behavior, appearance, character, approach, political view and almost everything human, you could imagine. Perhaps IT is the true Bharatha Vilas that has a sample of thousands of diversified Indians in one location and quite obviously any one with a moderate sense of humor will have a good time herel at least with the work place. (Projects suck though :D)

You could see clean shaven, formally dressed, extremely sincere, highly talented... ok I could've made it simpler saying 'nerds'... who exist for the computer, by the computer and of the computer and his immediate neighbor would be the one who spends most of the time talking to his girl friends, reading news sites (inpormation is wealth :D), checking stock prices and playing ping pong (I no longer call it TT coz I'm in the US ;) :D)! Ironically this guy would be sent onsite (the biggest dream for anyone who enters the industry afresh and a requirement for someone who has been around for a while) while the nerd would still be venting out his hard feelings to his wife a.k.a the computer. You could invariably see someone at the cafetaria or the coffee vending machine irrespective of the time and the most commonly discussed topics would be the cruel attitude of their managers, useless nature of the project and of course girls... (guys if it were girls holding the tea cups)

With almost equal number of guys and girls, that too youngsters, you would be never short of Romeos and Juliets (at least they think so :)) out here. Murphy's law somehow holds good for most of the guys and those who are handsome and/or looking out for girls will invariably end up in a dry-project (no girls) and they will be the only ones to remain in that project forever when everyone else gets released from the team due to downsizing or ramp down as they call it. However the normal distribution curve takes the shape of a sort inclined at 10 degrees (counter-clockwise to be more accurate) when it comes to the probability of finding a good chick. If you ask a girl she might tell the same thing about guys too but the degree of inclination will not be as low as 10 degrees for sure :) But that's not the worst part. The worst part is when an average looking girl who was admirable in simple dresses will suddenly be promoted to the 'pigar op the project' status resulting in diametric changes in behavior and importantly dressing style. Like Surya says in Kaakka kaakka she always walks with her head held (too) high and will start wearing dresses that would scare the s%^t out of Ramarajan.

The sampling technique of India is even fine tuned when it comes to sending resources on deputation (typically to US) which results in a even better mix of varying cultures. Andhra guys use 'aa' as a universal question tag (the movie is good'aa', had good food'aa'), Tamizh guys form sentences that are literally translated from their mother tongue (I'm saying that only no), Mallu guys specialize in providing a German tone to English (Ee said ee wond be kamming to the Oooofees) and Northies are known for their accents (thaharty {30}) and sentence formations (Now only I'm saying this that I won't be able to come yar); and they are all a part of this ecosystem and many a times the species co-exist (as roomies) doubling the fun to anyone who watches them converse.

But the best of the lot is to see a bunch of girls working for the same project on a US deputation. All of a sudden they'll all turn into Annalakshmis adorned in trousers and a bright colored shirt. Not to mention the cosmetics and the pink colored lipsticks :D They come very early to the office (I mean seriously) around 8 AM and go out to get a cup of coffee. By the time they come back (around 9 AM), everyone would start coming to office. They go to their cubes or 'offices' as they call it here and start checking their mails. Then comes a flurry of meetings and if you want me to describe what happens in a meeting, I remember my friend's way of defining it - "Feeling lonely, Getting bored, Wanna feel important - call for a meeting" . More or less that is how a meeting is and they'll have continuous meetings from 9 - 12 (lunch time) and you should look at them when they switch between meetings carrying loads of paper work, heaving a sigh of despair, walking faster than someone who is running... Honestly you would be damned if someone says they are not having much of a work load. 12 - 1:30 is the lunch hour where everything happening in the world is brought to the table; and by the time they come back to their cubes it will be about 1:45. The second round of mail checking begins and 3 PM sharp they break for tea which lasts for about 30 minutes. Upon return they take a power nap before the 17" monitor and the first one who wakes up gives a wake up call to everyone and off they go at 5 PM. If something seems to prevent their routine, they often visit each other's offices just so that someone visiting their office would think they are out in a meeting. Trust me... It's unbelievable fun for someone who observes them carefully. But the best part is the manager will never know anything because he comes in my 10 (and everyone in the gang would be in by then) and will leave at 4 (when these people are sincerly taking their power naps). But a poor guy who asks for a vacation or comes in at 10:05 would be called for a one-one; which means abusing a person without using the slang! :D

All in all, IT has not been an enjoyable experience to me once I crossed the initial few days where I learnt a lot; and since then the only good point I could think of as being offered by IT industry is this entertainment and honestly it deserves a special recognition... :)

P.S: This is purely based on personal experiences and if you are a girl who is on a deputation and working hard all along (chances of which are pretty less), please understand that the article has been written in a generalistic and light sense. Exceptions are not examples! :)

The Chinky Chunk

But for a very few with whom I shared this incident, I guess the topic would be quite confusing, providing no real clarity on what I'm going to talk about. Never mind! You'll get to know as you read... :)

If you try to identify the speciality or the remarkably special characteristic of the US, the demographic cocktail out here would top the list. Caucasians, Hispanics, Asians, Indians, Africans... You name it and you'll find them in the US and this means that you have as many different flavors of English out here. At times, the English is so customized that you won't even recognize the language! But the most interesting of the lot is the Chinese version of English (Chinish?! :)) and one would love the way they speak as long as s/he is not the person who is supposed to understand what the Chinese person is trying to say! Seriously... You would find it so musical when a Chinese guy speaks English and the expressiveness in their sentences is just unbeatable. After all we are talking about people who exhausted the various combinations of rectangles, squares, lines and angles in the name of alphabets!! :) They almost perform a mono acting while trying to communicate; and sentences like "You don't fix the brake the car goes whohohohohoho (imitating a vibrating steering wheel)" are the building blocks of Chinish.

One thing that I never knew was that Chinese in US are called 'Chinky' by the people who take special interest in nick naming - Indians. :) Indians in US are called Desis, Mexicans in US are called Makkus (they might be offended if they knew what it means in Tamizh), Caucasians are called Goras and analogically Chinese are called 'Chinkies'... I guess now you got an idea on what I'm going to talk about... (You thought I already got into the topic?! Nice try!)

This Saturday I went into a Chinky 'hair studio' (that's how they called it) just for the sake of saving a couple of dollars (when it comes to spending, the desi in me starts roaring :D)... Usually I hate to wait but that day the studio ;) was kinda crowded and I had no choice but to wait! But pretty soon I realized that it's not a monotonous wait but it's entertainment altogether! Right from the moment I was welcomed with a couple of high intensity voices that got me stunned for a moment; the show started. An old Chinky man and a middle aged Chinky woman ran the show... The old man had a special zeal towards fantasizing and talking which kept him going on and on and on. On the other hand the Chinky lady was trying to be courteous and lively which made her crack jokes that left me laughing at her rather than the jokes. I was finding it difficult to control my giggle and I turned towards the pile of completely disinteresting magazines and pretended to choose one whenever I was smiling uncontrollably.

Like the classic comedy from the Tamizh movie Karagaattakkaaran where Goundamani says "Japaan la jackie saan koopptaaga...", the guy was telling all possible stories related to Chinese celebrities. "Jackie chan my good friend", "I teach Kung Fu... this just part time", "Jet Li you know... I taught Kung fu to Jet Li" and all possible fantasy stories in Chinish filled the air. Many would've noticed that barbers usually make their guests happy by comparing them to film heroes and our chinky was no exception. But since it is US and there were representatives from all ethnicities, the comparisons varied from Harrison Ford to Bollywood (I was the bollywood victim and I was thinking 'yenkittayaevaa?')!

Another class of comic moments you could encounter is desis 'being nice' to others in US :) They always smile and try to continue the conversation desperately failing to get the continuity and managing that with an artificial smile and a nod! Imagine a Gulte (from Andra) talking to the chinky lady about Oracle shares... Man... that was a sight indeed!

The best of the lot was when a Hispanic guy was getting his hair designed (afterall it's a studio!) and the conversation switched over to his kids. He said he had two kids and the Chinky lady who was completing the damage done by the senior chinky to my scalp got curious and questioned "Twins?" and our senior chinky replied "No twins... one by one!". I would've been ROTFL but for the electric razor just below my ears! :) When the conversation continued the senior chinky mentioned about a black lady who had twins one white and one black (world news you see) and all of a sudden he said "I had two puppies... brother and sister... both white puppies but mother black... if the hair is black it is black dog... if the hair is white it is white dog"! I was praying that the Hispanic guy shouldn't get offended while irresistably smiling at the statement.

When I paid the money the chinky lady said "Sanku... Next time come 1 o clock... you come just before open and you wait...", I thought why wouldn't I wait to watch such an entertainer!

A clash of the ti(gh)tans - TR vs Sam Anderson

When I looked back into my posts over the past few weeks, I observed something quite surprising. It's been quite a while since I attempted to be hilarious! Solitude and soliloquy had their toll and many of my posts were on philosophy, universe and high funda crap. :) So I thought why not compare 'Agila ulaga naayagan' (Universal hero) Sam Anderson and Karadi kong a.k.a. T.R a.k.a T. Rajendar who have been competing hard for the best 'serious-comedian' award through their diligent efforts... :) I haven't spoken much on T.R before but if you would like to know about Sam Anderson, you can read my previous post on him here.

Sam Anderson definitely took the lead when the movie 'Yaarukku yaarao' was released (see some niche clips below).







But karadi kong wasn't ready to give up. If Sam Anderson did it on screen, TR proved his abilities in real life. A few videos that I saw quite recently simply blew me off...

Video 1 - The emotion:

Karadi kong's reaction when a press reporter asked "why don't people gather in large numbers to hear you speaking (as opposed to someone else who could)?"



Somehow karadi kong doesn't realize that the question asked by the reporter is completely sane... :)

Video 2 - The optimism:



What could I say about this guy's optimism? A gang of thousand students is laughing at him but he still takes credit of being popular...

Video 3 - The majesty:



I'm dumbfounded and I feel as if I'm blogging in a strange language.

Video 4 - The artist:



If it took confidence for Sam Anderson to show up on the screen, it takes heaps and heaps of that confidence to talk like a combination of Beethoven and Michael Jackson (no no I didn't mean a blind guy with an operated nose)...

Video 5 - TR The Tiger



Could you snap your finger and talk over the phone? Don't say yes instantly... Re-think... Because Kong himself says he is the only person who can do it... Or perhaps he is the only evolving ape that can do it :)

Video 6 - TR the '9' sorry the person with 9 different expressions...



I feel that the Indian government did a great injustice by not awarding the 'best actor' (Of course, Other category) award to him.

Video 7 - How I feel after seeing all these videos



Coming back to the point, you know who wins the race to the 'mega mokkaiyyan' memorial cup in the end? It's obviously not Sam Anderson and surprisingly it's not TR too... It's the so called party member in Video 1 (drungan monkey) who kept clapping for all the emotional dialogs of Karadi kong... :))

Technology - the brighter side of sixth sense!

This is perhaps the longest interval between two posts in my blog... But then, things can't always be in a straight line - theory of non-linearity as explained in the movie '21'. Ok... this is not a philosophy post so you can carry on without any caution :D

I've always believed that life is driven by needs but the extent to which it has influenced the US life is unimaginable. As the urge to break apart and remain as individuals, free from any strong relationships, increases; the society and the setup needs to transform a lot to accommodate the change. A typical example is driving to an unfamiliar destination in US vs driving to an unfamiliar location in India. In India, we just get the basic idea on the direction of the place and after that you'll have tea shops, auto (it's not just automobile, it's auto :)) drivers, pedestrians, waiters at road-side restaurants, old ladies sitting at the 'thinnai' (sitouts) of their houses and a gazillion others to guide you. But over here, things ought to be planned and things ought to let people be as detached from each other as possible. Cities are neatly planned and you have to come out of the 'free ways' (which are literally free from everything except vehicles) to get anything from food to fresh mints. None of the gazillion persons I mentioned earlier would be on the streets to help you out and you are on your own all the way unless you deliberately get into a mall, order a pizza and ask for directions. However, I should admit that this detachment has improved the lives of Americans to a great extent.

Moving from one place and settling down at the other is nothing less than a nightmare in India. Poor bank officers would often combat this nightmare and tune their minds to such a great extent that they boast on their abilities to move anywhere, anytime. Everything sounds new (as it is supposed to be) in the new place and it takes at least a month to comfortably settle down. But even after that month, people keep thinking about the good neighborhood and the so called 'prestige' they had in their previous locality. But here, life moves on a Fast forward button and if you just have your credit card, mobile phone and a laptop with Wi-Fi; you rule the place. Booking tickets, movers, hotels, transportation, finding accomodations, locating nearby places of importance and anything that you would need in a new place is brought to your finger tips. With a GPS, car, the destination address and a fat wallet; the need to know the place you stay completely vanishes, of course given the fact that you choose and you 'love' to be independent. Whether this promulgates a good trend or not, it definitely proves that the greatest gift of mankind - 'the sixth sense' would make him turn the world around him as he likes. The best part about it - someone's sixth sense helps me enjoy the benefits! :))

WWF and IPL

I was a big fan of WWF during my high school days and there have been days when I traveled 10-15 kms (approx 6-10 miles) in my bicycle to watch the matches; caring damn about the scorching sun. It used to be so appealing, you know... the color, the style, the characters, their mannerisms, the trademark shots, the music, the varieties of matches (tag team match, iron cage match, 'kiss my foot' match and so on) were just so attractive that a bunch of us were crazy fans of the program, which even led to real time fights between us. Often it'd be a quarrel on who's great - Hitman or Crush... Undertaker or Diesel... Lex Luger or Yokozuna... Jeff Jarret or Sparkie plug!

Hitman

Crush (my hero :D)

Shawn Michaels

Yokozuna

The best feature of WWF in my opinion was the way the matches were held/handled. It'd never be monotonous. 'Heroes' (during their initial) will have a lot of matches with unheard wrestlers so that they can thwart those kids and establish their popularity. There is always a discrimination between good and evil; and good heroes always keep smiling, entertain their audience a lot, gift their audience with sunglasses and arm bands while the evil always remain in anger, keep shouting and are immoral when it comes to their attitude. The fight between the good and evil comes up once in a while and the ratings skyrocket during these clashes. The best part is good always wins over evil but not so easily. Initially the super hero undergoes a lot of suffering and pain; and in the end, out of nowhere the hero wins and is declared the champion. The drama is stereotype when it comes to 'tag team' matches. Pair 1 and pair 2 clash - person 1 from pair 1 (the good pair) is hit hard by person 2 from pair 2 (the evil pair) and at the end, pair 2 decides to change roles by tagging person 1 and giving him his chance to hit the already exhausted person 1 from pair 1. Just when person 1 from pair 2 reaches out to hit him, the weak gains power from nowhere and tags his partner who is a superhero. The superhero steps in, destroys both elements from pair 2 and destiny is reversed - the good wins over the evil. There was a time when I argued that all this is true but as I developed a little bit of maturity, I understood the drama behind the entertainment and my interested slowly faded off. After I quit watching, there had been a lot of improvements in the 'masala' behind WWF and now there are girls coming out half-naked with the wrestlers and the whole story is fabricated just as it happens in real life (wrestler 1's GF insulting his partner - wrestler 2 and they become enemies; & stuff like that). I've added the video of one of the most dramatized heroes - 'The Undertaker'



After a decade (ok... more than a decade :D), I got the same feeling when I watched the IPL matches. Some players a paid a huge chunk of money and made heroes - classic example Dhoni, Symonds and so on. Out of these there are good heroes (like Dhoni) and evil heroes (like Symonds - read http://www.foxsports.com.au/story/0,8659,23016114-23212,00.html if you don't know why). The matches keep happening and some teams keep winning, some teams keep losing while some others win and lose. Just when everyone thinks that the team that lost the first four matches has no way to come in to the top few, the team starts playing like a champion and thwarts the other teams (read heroes suffering first and winning later). At one point there would be more than five teams competing for the top four places and nothing could be decided until the last few matches. The audience thoroughly enjoy the action providing expert comments on the shots played, the line and length of the balls bowled, the fielding, the captaincy, the commitment of the teams, the cheerleaders and whether or not these cheerleaders affect Indian culture; based on their rich experience as viewers. I couldn't control my smile seeing the same spirit I had in me thirteen or fourteen years back; in these grown-up kids enjoying the magic created by a similar show with a better drama behind it.

Cricket or WWF, the bottom line is money and actors, politicians and industrialists are not crazy to invest their money on something that has no clear trends. Whether it makes sense to watch these matches or not; it sure does make sense from the perspective of the investors. After all, it's value for their money and if I were them, I would've invested at least as much in IPL. :)

P.S: With little idea on the algorithm behind the matches, I feel that Chennai Super kings would win the cup given that it stars the Indian captain (superhero) who has been offered the maximum remuneration. After all more investment = more returns.

Office bags...

A bag that is carried to school is termed a school bag and extending the logic to a bag that is carried to the office we can or I prefer to call it an 'office bag'. Weirdly enough that is the topic of my post today...

I've been working for about 4 years now and I haven't felt the need for carrying a bag to work! So quite often, I wonder what would be there inside the bag! Especially after coming to US and seeing people carrying (or should I say dragging) huge strollers in the name of bags, the concept makes me all the more curious...

In a way I could justify (some) girls/ladies carrying bags... You know... the accessories, mirrors, cosmetics, napkins and what not... That amount of inventory definitely deserves a bag! Over here I've even seen ladies who carry 3 bags and have no place for their sun glasses, cell phone and keys!!! Even better, the runner at their places havefood items, energy drinks and accessories that are good enough to serve everyone in office at a stretch!

But when I see a guy with a stroller, I couldn't even find out a way to explain that... May be he carries 3 pattapatti dowsers (shorts in Indian or rather Tamilian style), 2 shirts, a t-shirt and a pant?! Quite tricky to explain and this often makes me chuckle at the site of these guys!

Whether they really carry something in their bags or not, it's a real fun to watch these folks and perhaps that's the purpose I could see in the meticulous packing that these people do everyday before starting to office.