SQL Server BCP - Nulls getting exported as spaces as opposed to blanks

SQL Server just drove me crazy with a BCP issue today and though I usually don't put a lot of tech-stuff on my blog, this one is well worth it I guess.

The issue:

I had a stored procedure that uses bcp to export data from a table and surprisingly all nulls were being exported as spaces. I tried explicitly using ISNULL to populate an empty string, tried replacing nulls with empty string in the table itself; but no luck. Google didn't have anything useful either.

The solution:

Specifying the COLLATE attribute on all the character columns to use COLLATE SQL_Latin1_General_CP1_CI_AS as shown below:

[EMAIL_ADDR] [varchar](100) COLLATE SQL_Latin1_General_CP1_CI_AS NULL

After adding this to the source table, all nulls were exported as blanks with a simple bcp out.

Dedicated to that lone programmer somewhere breaking his/her head to figure out the solution to this issue :)

The Indian "formula"

It's been a pretty hectic schedule at work and I almost forgot that I had a blog. When you are forced to spend a large portion of your day working and your personal life asymptotically tends to zero, you don't get the mood to do anything else with the remaining time. The only activity I've been enjoying these days is playing racquet ball (American version of squash) as it tends to give you the peace of mind that you miss the most. Enough with the off-topic chitchat. Today I was watching the movie "Vivah", a typical formula film that reminded me of Vikraman films; and that combined with the numb philoso-sarcastic (if you will) mood I'm in right now, catalyzed this post. The essential parts of a formula movie...

#1 - A divine protagonist

The hero and/or the heroine of the movie should be too good to be true. So loving, so caring, so selfless, so beautiful/handsome, so forgiving, in short, so unrealistic.

#2 - A cruel antagonist

Antagonists come in two flavors - I'd call them the born-villains and made-villains. Born villain should be soulless, selfish, if it's a male he should booze/smoke/should be the opposite of a teetotaler, kill people like mosquitoes and get away with it; usually starting with a murder in the very first scene of the movie. Made villains are good persons with bad misconceptions. He/she can turn bad even because of the silliest reason one could imagine ex: s/he thought that the world is flat and the protagonist thought otherwise. And just to prove himself/herself, s/he will be behind all insane stuff going on in the movie.

#3 - Sentiment bit

Usually dominated by ladies... Mom, sister, wife, one-side-love, neighbor who has always been sister-like... Someone who eventually gets killed or for whom the protagonist risks his life.

If it's a guy, it's usually the father, a friend or in the worst case a brother; but nothing else. It's hard to believe the protagonist risking life for a distant relative who is a guy (girls are accepted for these roles :D)

#4 - A terrible incident

Something terrible should invariably happen in the movie. Some accident, a betrayal, a murder, sudden poverty, death of the most important family member in the most crucial moment that turned the family to beggars overnight. Usually this happens just before the interval and the second half of the movie will be the phoenix re-incarnation.

#5 - Songs

Whether it's the song that brings out the difficulties of the protagonist or the song that turns the protagonist into a millionaire in minutes, songs are inevitable in a formula movie.

#6 - Villain's expiry

Expiry can be literal expiry or expiry of his/her character. A born villain will usually die and a made villain will transform into a mahatma just a scene before the climax.

How many of these crap movies are we destined to watch? GOK!

Conclusive Conceptions

This is my office. As you could see, I didn't get the biggest, it doesn't even have a window and it might even look a little bit like a glorified store room. But I've made it mine as much as I could and in that attempt, made is as beautiful as I could. The floral painting out there is something I got in the arts exhibition last year. The painter should've used bold yellow on the skies to accent the sunset. But yeah... Better than the junk at the reception, rite? This porcelain paperweight is Chinese and its said to bring good luck; but I don't know. Everyone knows that Chinese are good at selling BS. This pen, the calendar out there, my desktop wall paper and almost everything here is something I liked and chose. But my job...

*Phone gargles*

Just a minute...

"Good Morning. This is Geeks420. I'm Shreya. How can I help you?"
"..."
"Oh yes... yes Mottayyan. We are still trying to fill that position. Can you please forward your resume to Shreyas@geeks420.com?"
"..."
"Yeah. I understand. What is your rate?"

"..."

"Are you looking for benefits?"

"..."

"Ok. I'll forward that to one of our developers right away and let you know. What will be the best number to reach you at?"
"..."
"973...979...2797. Ok! I'll keep you posted. Thanks for calling."
"..."
"Bye"

Well... Where were we? Oh yeah... My job! I'm sure you would be smart enough to infer that my name is Shreya and I work for Geeks420 as a recruiter. An interesting name to a company isn't it? Our boss wanted to name it Geeks to at least have them in the name; but mother internet had conceived too many children at that point making my boss's dream impossible. So he added his birthday 20th April to Geeks and named it Geeks420; but the Indian Penal Code gave a suitable and hilarious perspective to it. Coming back to me, I'm commerce undergraduate, and an economics postgraduate relying ultimately on English which I never learned past my high school. Married to a software engineer working for Verizon, mother of two kids, trying to get more a-holes, if you will, added to this company. In the US, making a living with a single working member becomes tough unless your husband makes truckloads of money. With a husband like mine, you would've to work overtime to compensate.

Before I forget, I've to schedule an interview for the dumbo who just called. He's always available in the market and God knows how he's making a living. You know the worst part? He has a family with two kids... poor souls... and he wants benefits as well. Imagine... Paying him is an overhead and he wants insurance on top of it. Funny rite? And I'm not sure if this guy is one of those 23 yr olds with 10 yrs of experience and a post graduation; like they had a laptop in their mother's womb. Join me and I'll show you around. You wouldn't believe how much crap is going on here!

Do you see the one sitting in the next office? Her name is Priya.

"Hi Priya... How are you?" She's from North India and you could see the arrogance in everything she does. In what way? Well... err... it's hard to explain you know... But you'll feel it. She's another recruiter here. Hardly knows how to talk to a candidate and all her recruits are crappy. Last week she hired a candidate for 120K and you know what? The clients have deemed him unfit this week. Sort of like cutting the company's throat for the commission. All North Indians are like that... you know?

The one next to her is Tracy and I honestly don't know why she is being paid. She eats 6 times a day and walks around the floor for the rest of the time. Yells at the top of her voice all the time and even if she speaks the kindest words in the world you will feel like a wrestler punching you right on your face, particularly the ears. One person I can't stand.

The Chinky guy over there is Charles. He is from Vietnam or some other country that is hard to locate on the world map. But we have a convenient term - Chinky that can be applied to anyone whose eyes aren't wide enough.; and I always call him one. The funny thing is... he calls himself American. Getting a citizenship here and being an American are two different things in my view and this guy doesn't have a clue about it. Another useless recruiter who is so good at losing money gambling. Trust me. If he ever wrote an autobiography and named it "Top 10 ways to lose money gambling", he would've been a millionaire now. Not that he can write that well... you know what I mean... Insane guy loses half his pay cheque or check since we are in the US, gambling every month.

The five offices next to them are occupied by the sales department and don't even get me started on them. False promises stacked over false promises! I find their very sight repulsive. If they were able to get at least 1 customer per 100 phone calls, the company strength would've been doubled now. I think most of them just keep talking to their friends and family. Free lunch, free calls, free trips. Brain naturally dies you see. Useless fellows claiming that they have seen unicorns and angels.

This is Tom's cabin. As you would imagine with any boss's office, this one is naturally bigger than all the offices here with three glass walls. Only after meeting him I started believing in the idiom "Every dog has its day". Every Dilbert story I ever read is like his biography in parts and I get a feeling that being dumb is important to become a boss. There are times I feel intellectually insulted to work for such a guy; but then all bosses across the world are dumb and being a smart person, I can't become one. So there you go!

This is the most interesting part. The "Software Development" division filled with freaks who call themselves geeks. Look at their attitude and you'll know. No one here knows a thing about programming; but they yap about it for hours.

Do I know programming? No no. I hate sitting in front of a computer like an idiot and I think no smart person would do that. So I didn't want to be a programmer. But I know enough to know that these guys have zilch programming knowledge. I'd bet dimes to donuts that these guys don't have half of what it takes to be called geeks. And you know the funny part? We've like a hundred guys back in India who are so intellectually handicapped that these guys end up complaining about them.

I hate to make personal comments; but getting one of these idiots interview a prospective idiot is such a difficult task. They always claim to be busy and I always see them surfing the internet still having the air of "I'm a developer" pride around them. The funny looking guy out there in that greasy white shirt is the one who is supposed to handle the interview today. Just see what happens...

"Hi Praveen. How are you?"
"Am fine..."
"Can you do a screening for me today?"
"Today I'm quite busy. Can you get someone else do it?"
"No Praveen. Tom wants you to personally do this interview. It's an urgent requirement and it shouldn't take more than 30 minutes to screen."
"Well... I'll let you know by noon"

Let's walk back to my office as we talk. See... Didn't I tell you? Unbelievable arrogance. Until I say "Tom" he wouldn't even say anything close to a yes.

*Cell phone rings*

"Hello..."
"..."
"Yeah this is Shreya..."
"..."
"Hey hi... I just spoke to the developers. Have you sent me the resume?"
"..."
"Oh... Ok! Let me know whenever you are ready."
"..."
"Thanks Bye..."

*hangs up*

"you idiot!"

It's at Mottayyan again. God knows who named him! Says he's got a doctor's appointment that he forgot and he'll not be able to attend the interview today. What a lame way of saying "I have another interview to attend"? I'm sure he'll call back tomorrow and I should go begging one more time.

Good God... Why wouldn't I hate this job when I work for a boss who knows nothing but being a boss, trying to find arrogant freaks with zilch programming knowledge who will end up giving the "I'm too busy" crap to me? I hate this job so much and the day I get out of this job will be the happiest day in my life and this office would really go bonkers when that happens.

*phone gargles again*

"Yes Tom"
"..."
"Sure"

One minute. My boss wants to boss over me for some time. Dilbert time. I'll be right back.

*Ten minutes later*

You know what? The a-hole fired me. Says I'm not doing much work and they can manage without me. And you know the worst part? People have complained that my attitude is not good. How untrue and unfair? He didn't even think about my family and kids. I've been so kind to others. Never said a word about anyone. I so loved my job, you know!

What are you laughing at? People have become so selfish, disrespectful and disloyal these days. I just can't put up with them. Why is everyone...

*Door slams shut... voice fades*

Onsite - Short Story

12th floor of Elements high raised apartments in Bellevue. My clock says it's 7:30; but now that the Americans have manually displaced time by 1 hr, forcing it to run faster; the time is actually believed to be 8:30 PM. You know... like a lie that's universally believed. I could see almost the entire town from my patio and in the nights, the view is at is best. I should admit it gives me the "I'm on top of the world" feeling; though the reality is that the world is sitting on top of me and in fact, crapping all over me. I'm an onsite coordinator in a consulting company here. What do I do? Oh well... that's kind of hard to explain in one sentence; but let me give it a shot. I talk to the dumbest people on earth, frequently termed as clients; and then pass on my version of their expectation from our company to the silver medalists - the offshore team. In this process, I would've to make sure that my boss makes money and I also come up with a lot of documents explaining what, how and when things ought to be done with a clear conception that nothing is going to go on the way I've explained. And yeah... I also interview people who are willing to be crapped on, train people with zilch programming knowledge and convert them into programming gurus (or at least make them believe they are one). With these believers, I ought to deliver above and beyond client expectations without thinking about any increase in pay, as recession has affected the job markets here. What? Coffee? No no no... I don't supply coffee; and in fact none does. Heard it's against the US labor laws; and the employees are supposed to brew their own hot water... err... coffee!

Enough said about me! Let me try to make a Memento (as in the movie remade in Tamizh as Gajini; not a token of remembrance, that usually comes down to a soap box or the cheapest trophy in the market) out of my moments.

5 years back... Chennai, India

Manager (Imagine a middle aged, wheatish, stout person with a head balded akin to a Samurai, dressed in an apple green shirt and a brown pant with a black belt and brown shoes): What are you going to do getting a promotion? Trust me it doesn't help. Will you take a word of advice?
Me (5 yrs younger and 15 kgs lighter): Tell me.
Manager: I'll initiate your US visa. That's the way to go buddy!
Me (Rolling Eyes): Oh!
Manager: So, we are settled here. *Grins*

1 day back...

Me: I just did a comparison of the client working set with the repo and I see a lot of differences
OTL: Yes. Looks like I didn't check in some changes into the repository.
Me: But you said it's all in sync.
OTL: Yeah. My local copy is in sync.

3 years back... Chennai, India

Manager: I tried really hard for your promotion this time. It looks like you would've surely got it if you joined our company a couple of weeks before.
Me: But...
Manager: Don't worry! I'll surely get it for you next time.
Me: (Thinking, this has become a fable now) What happened to my visa?
Manager: It's on its way. Embassy takes its time you know...
Me: When do you expect it to be done?
Manager: Pretty soon. Don't worry! So we are settled here. *Grins*

2 days back...

Client: I'm not going to pay for this month. You guys have done absolutely nothing in the past couple of months and you don't even know how to set up a basic repository.
Me: But I heard from the offshore team that everything is setup and working. There should be some communication gap somewhere. I'll personally look into it and address it.
Client: You better do it!

Same night

Me: What is happening? Why can't you even setup a repository correctly?
OTL: Everything is fine in our checks. I've compared my working set with the repository and everything is in there.
Me: Did you always keep your working copy in sync with the client working copy?
OTL: Yes.
Me: Sure?
OTL: Yeah. 100%

2 years and 1 day back... Chennai, India

(There is this group called immigration team that's supposed to help us out with Visa processing and other stuff; but what they do best is to scare the crap out of you and perhaps make you think that you need a special petition to continue your Indian citizenship)

Immigration Team Member: These are your documents. It contains the project description too. Keep it by-heart. If you don't answer a question right, your visa will be rejected.
Me (Beginning to sweat a little): Looks like the description doesn't meet the actual project that I'm going for.
ITM: I know! But this document is your bible. If you don't know it in and out, you are doomed! (dialog from "Full Metal Jacket" echoing in my ears... "This is my document. There are many others like it; but this one's mine. My document is my best friend...")
Me: Ok. Thank You.

1 year back...

* Outlook notifies an email from client *

"... A school kid will do a better programming than you guys and you completely failed to be of any value to us..."

* Sky is filled with darkness and night announces its presence *

Me: I've repeatedly told you how to fix these issues. I've presented the solution. I've given you the specifications. I've been there staying up all night long... What else do you expect me to do?
OTL: I know! But it's working in our local copy.

1 year, 11 months and 2 days back... American consulate, Chennai, India

* Mixed voices in fast forward motion *
"Your appointment letter and passport"
"Your documents"
"Join this line"
"Is this the correct document for H1-B stamping?"

Finally, in front of the immigration officer.
Officer: Good Morning! How are you?
Me: Fine. Thanks. My documents...
*Officer seriously typing something and I was wondering how she found out it's not the right project in my petition request *
Officer: What is your skill-set?
Me: Oh skills... Yeah... Java, J2EE, err... Smalltalk
Officer: Your petition is approved. You'll get your visa in 1 week.
Me: Huh?! Thanks!

1 year, 4 months back...

Me: "Looks like the build is completely unstable. There is nothing working"
Offshore team lead: It works in my local copy.
Me: Ok... Let's try to figure out what went wrong; and have our discussion tomorrow.

1 year, 6 months and 1 day back... Travel desk, Chennai, India

(Travel desk is a bunch of guys who help you travel from India to other countries in the longest possible route)

Agent: We're working on your tickets sir. Please wait.
* 3 hours pass by *
Agent: Don't be in a hurry sir! See... This gentleman has his flight tonight. We are working on his ticket and you have a full day left! Don't worry you'll be in US day after :)
* Dumbfounded and back to the lobby *
* 3 more hours pass by *
Agent: Here is your itinerary sir. Your destination is Seattle; and you will go from Chennai to Mumbai, Mumbai to Bangalore, Bangalore to Delhi, Delhi to Beijing, Beijing to Hong Kong, Hong Kong to San Francisco, San Francisco to...
Me: It's ok! I'll take care!

1 year and 6 months back... Sea-Tac airport, USA

* Telling myself * At last...

1 year, 5 months and 29 days back...

Boss: Hope you have settled in here.
* continues without waiting for an answer *
You have been assigned to project A and project B. You may have to do some development in project B; but project A is primarily coordination. Talk to Arun and he will give you all the information needed. Ok? Take it easy man! * smiles and leaves *

4 hrs back till now... Soliloquy

Is it really worth working with these guys?
Am I really doing the right thing?
Is this what I'm destined for?
* Questions flooding my brains *

What? Why am I not going back to India? Well... That's an interesting way of looking at it. You know... Hey just a sec. Offshore call guys. BRB!

The largest continent!

I'm not a big fan of gyms; but recently I was contemplating joining one primarily for diversion from this world of computers that I'm living in. As usual, the Libran in me chipped in and I was confused if I should make use of the apartment gym/swimming pool - though they look more like a store room and a water tank respectively - or I should pay like 30 bucks a month and drive 10 miles to get to the cheapest gym around. I didn't come to a conclusion, quite as expected; but I had an interesting experience.

Anyone who's spent some time in US, especially the US gyms would be able to tell the difference between the way a desi guy works out (I'm not talking about fitness freaks here); and an American works out. Most of the desi guys hardly have a clue as to what they should do next and they most often end up in the next available equipment! :)) It's kind of weird to describe but extremely funny to watch - like a pregnant cat trying to decide the place where it's going to deliver! When I went to the gym to do my case study, there was another desi guy there looking around and trying to figure out the best workout strategy. That made two of us and I was happy to know I had company... You know... You don't really feel all that silly when someone else is also doing what you are doing; even if you are doing the dumbest thing on earth! A feeling of being with the community :D

So I ended up in one of the treadmills (just so I don't like like I'm picnicking there :D) and started to walk at a snail pace; quietly observing the other guy. There was a TV at the far end of the gym and some night mode shots and a sand boa were combined in an attempt to scare the viewers. I decided not to look stupid and I stuck to my treadmill while this guy was cycling, weight-lifting, walking and jogging within 15-20 mins; and just as it goes with desi guys, we hardly exchanged smiles or names.

After a while, I felt I walked too much (the meter almost approached 0.5 miles which is too much :D) and I was just about to start back home when this guy started a conversation...

"Are you in C block?"

"No... E block"

"There are many desis in C block"

"Oh..."

"Which part of India are you from?"

"Tamizh Nadu"

"I am AP" (like Gounder saying I yaam Mekanikal bullet jaaki) "My name is Raju"

"Oh..."

"Where are you working"

...Told my office name...

Which technology, which client, how long have you been here and all other de-facto questions followed and I had no choice but to answer them all. Then came the most interesting part of the conversation.

"Did you see the program? They were showing big big snakes"

"Yeah" (Paamba paatthu dhaana bayandha)

"What was the name of the program... Big konda... no no Megakonda" (Konda = Mountain in Telugu :D)

"Yeah"

"Here they have big big snakes..."

"Yeah! African snakes are quite large" (Thinking that he was talking about Anacondas)

"US and Europe snakes are also big."

* continues curiously *

"In Africa, is it big?"

"Yeah. Those snakes are supposed to be the largest"

"No no... I'm asking about the size of Africa"

"Yeah... It's quite big. After all, it's the second largest continent in the world"

"The largest is Europe?"

"Err... No Asia" (I thought Geography was mandatory till X grade)

"Oh... Next"

"Africa" (Adhaan sonnaenae da)

"Next..."

"North America and it goes all the way till Australia" (vittaa paadam nadattha cholluvaainga paola irukku)

...A short pause...

Me: "How long have you been in US" (out of curiosity and badly wanting to change topic)

Him: 6 years (Super la :D)

On a normal day, I would've extended the conversation to have fun; but I was in no mood the other day and the entertainment session ended there. I know that a vast majority of the American people (no offense meant) are ignorant of such basic facts; but for the first time I met an Indian who thought Europe was the largest continent in the world.

Indian Cinema - Any Takers?

I've always been a movie-freak and there was a season when almost every post of mine was a review on some movie! The only change to that in the recent days, is that I've started watching a lot of international movies. and the more I watch them, the more disappointed I get! The reason is pretty simple. Many or almost all good scenes that I've ever enjoyed in an Indian cinema, (Tamizh cinema to be more specific) have been lifted from elsewhere. Sometimes the whole story, sometimes the important scenes, sometimes the concept... One way or the other, we're largely influenced by the works of other film makers and we either copy them or make 'junk' masala movies. I don't say masala movies shouldn't exist! As one big fan of superstar, I will not say that, as most of his movies fall into this category. Entertainment is and should be there in every film industry and one cannot always expect a movie to be dead-serious. But I get really pissed off at the stereotype, unoriginal crap that a lot of actors/directors try to impose on the audience in the name of entertainment. When you look at the parallel line of cinema - the serious/art/impressive movies department; how many great films have we made to show-off to the international audience?

Look at this snapshot from the movie "About Schmidt" for instance.

Absolutely no dialogs from JN. But you could see the aversion, the hatred, the "take your hand off my shoulders" feeling; just by his looks. How many of our actors can enact the same scene; subtly without any exaggeration?

If we look at the stories and their screenplay, we are miles away from international standard. At this juncture, I should appreciate the works of directors like Bala, Manirathnam, Radha Mohan, etc and people like Prakashraj who strive to elevate the levels of our films. The cinematography has also greatly improved in the recent days and I see quite a lot of movies that are just so beautifully presented. The only glitch there is that the audience might not understand a movie like "Naan Kadavul" today; and making a film like that which is very high in standards and very low in collection would only discourage producers from making more films like that. The biggest responsibility of a director today is not just to make a great film; but also to make the audience appreciate a film and bring them along to the world of better movies. Just like any other field, I'm sure that we have a lot of youngsters and talented folks interested in movies, striving to become the best in the department they love. Perhaps they are not getting the opportunity that they deserve or that they are bound into the labyrinth of circumstances and social dignities. I hope and pray that this changes pretty soon; and we get to that golden era of Indian films.

You better die...

Recently, I heard a news or rather a rule that instantly got on to my nerves. In India, a kidney transplant isn't legal unless the donor belongs to the same family. I'm pretty sure this would be the case with other organs as well. Let's take a moment to think about the implications...

People who have kidney failures have three options - first one, obviously is to die; second - to do dialysis on a regular basis and almost everyone will know the cost involved in the process (which means a poor man will have to resort to option 1). The third option is to get the kidney transplanted from a dead/brain dead patient; and the best part about this is that every hospital has about 1000 kidney requests in queue. You know what's even better? Every hospital has a tentative "wait time" for a request. In other words, they have their own mechanisms of guessing when 1000 persons would die! Looking at this matter from the other side, this is actually a survival race where every patient is waiting for another to die! How pathetic!

The scope for social evils is another point to be considered. Reminds me of a dialog in "The Untouchables" - "People are gonna drink! You know that, I know that, we all know that, and all I do is act on that." Anyone with a survival instinct will try to get the organ transplanted at any cost. Then what is the whole point in making it illegal and opening a black market? The only logical counter-argument could be that this prevents the poor and needy from selling their organs for money. But there is no way to prevent this from happening illegally! Is there?

Oh... The second year is over :)

Just when I had this spectacularly long break in blogging, I got an email from the Clustrmaps that said my map has been reset; indicating that my blog is turning 2. :-)

I've been giving a lot of thought about resuming blogging at the pace I used to; but somehow one thing or the other kept me away; leading to this predominantly dormant year. I'm just hoping to see a change this year, possibly one blog a day at least.

So what I've been up to these days? A question that people who get to know me exclusively through my blogs (trust me there are a few :D) would be having in their minds. A few quick things that I could think of...

A loooooooooot of movies

This is perhaps the first thing I would say, though there were other serious stuff going on; because of the sheer time I spare for them and the interest I have in watching more and more of them. Today for instance, I'm on my 3rd movie (Vinnai thaandi varuvaayaa, American Pie - The book of love and Theeratha vilayaattu pillai 'now running' :)) The interesting part is I've been into a lot of foreign language films as well (German, French, Spanish, Japanese, Korean, you name it :D) and the sad part about it is that most of the scenes that I enjoyed in Tamizh/Indian movies seem to be a straight lift from elsewhere which makes me sick.

A loooooooooooooot of work

Anyone in a desi consulting company would vouch for this. If you get paid a 1000 dollars you usually work for approx 2495 dollars and 35 cents :p The end of last year has been horrible at that and I've been working like crazy for 3-4 months straight. Now, I'm still working like crazy; but the better part is that I'm at a client location in a "developer"/"dev lead" role (I'm leading myself, you know :D) which kind of restricts work to office as opposed to the way it used to be before. I'm expecting another hectic season; but hopefully it wouldn't be as hectic as it used to be a couple of months back.

A loooooooooooooot of travel

I'm going to an office 15 miles from my place as opposed to the one 0.5 miles away; but that's not the only thing I'm talking about. Took a welcome break and went to India on a vacation; but the vacation was more than tiresome. 3 weeks and I just kept spinning all the way. Couldn't meet many or do much about anything. It was like around the world in 21 days :) I know some are upset that I couldn't meet them; and I'm sorry about that!

A looooooooooooooot of boredom

I've been doing quite well at work; and recently, I even got a client appreciation; but somehow it doesn't help me get over the void that is omnipresent in my life... I somehow feel I should try something different (a lot of things in queue as usual); but at the same time worried about a secure future. Typical Libran indecisiveness one could say; but it's not all that bad after all. As much as I want to do something I love, I also need to make sure that I'm not being accused of being irresponsible. Kind of working on this right now, trying to figure out some plans and arrive at a balance; but don't know how long it's going to take before my life turns into a Hindi movie (following your dreams is kind of the trend in Hindi movies these days if you didn't notice :))

So... I'm quite happy that I made it this far and authored "The Crux of My Invisible Days" and I hope I wouldn't have to write any such summaries in the future.

Time to blog...

Somehow my writing/blogging frequency has come down a lot. The script that I started almost a year back is still on hold... I don't remember the last time I came up with something creative; and I promised to give a short story to my friend which I couldn't keep up. It's not intentional or voluntary; but it just happened. When the mind doesn't hit equilibrium no matter how many years you have; you just can't think in a creative fashion.

Until December, work was my priority and then came the welcome break - my vacation. Though it was the busiest I could fathom, keeping me busy every moment and in fact cutting down my online access a lot; for the first time ever in these three years, I'm missing India so much. Somehow, being in my apartment, sitting on the same couch I sat on, a month back is now feeling strange. For the first time in two years I'm feeling lonely; but I'm in no mood to even step out of my apartment. Everything seems just so meaningless and my mind remains turbulent all through the day and even when I sleep. Simple things sound complex, everything seems to be irritating and even movies sound disinteresting! I just hope and pray that I'm out of this phase pretty soon.