Kutthunga ejamaan kutthunga... :)

Haircutting in US has always been a hilarious experience (except that I end up getting my top damaged :D); and today I saw the heights of it. The principle behind a haircut has always been the same with me - spend minimal money, get maximum hair cut and look handsome (I know this is a fantasy; but that is what fantasies are about, isn't it :)). Unfortunately, it is always a choice between 1 and 2 (3 being an obvious impractical choice); and today was the best (or should I say the worst) of all my experiences.

Ok... let me narrate it. I went to a barber shop earlier today and it was moderately sized with three members working in it... I believe they all belong to a family. A couple of them were busy with other customers and there was this enormously fat lady who came to us (there was another guy waiting before me) and asked if she could help us. The other guy instantly declined and said that he is waiting for another barber to get done with his current customer. For the briefest of moments I thought "Aahaa... Thelivaa escape aayittaanae... Villangam edhaavadhu irukkumao? (Is this a trap)" and immediately dropped the pessimistic thought considering the fact that my haircut is pretty straightforward and anyone with the least bit of experience would consider it a cake walk. I settled down and told her 1 on the sides and the back; and 3 on the front (the heights of standardizing things... Out here the haricuts are numbered from 1 through 5; where 1 means a cut that reveals your scalp through the diffractions on the left over hair; and 5 means you pay the barber unnecessarily). In my place this style is quite common and people say "Munnaadi mattum vaarra alavukku mudi irukkattumne... Pinnadi side ellaam nallaa close a edutthu 'paa'naa adicchurunga" :D

Then the great show started. The trimming machine started to take weird turns on my scalp and at one point, she was rolling the chair and holding the machine just so it avoids the heavy, time consuming movement of her pillars err legs. I was reminded of the vadivelu comedy in thalainagaram where he says "Rolling a po..." :D Half way through the battle, ceasefire was announced through a phone call; and our cannon ball took 10 full minutes to just note down the name of the person who called... Come on... she has to move, attend the call, come back, pick the register and then note the name on it. The sight of my hair at that moment almost gave me a heart attack. The machine had played kabbadi on my scalp and like an uninhabited, unmaintained valley it was full of crests and troughs of hair. At that point, the damage was already done and there was no way I could ask her to get back the lost hair. So I thought what the heck, let's see what she is upto.

After the 10 minutes ceasefire, the battle resumed and this time scissors formed alliance with the machine and the battle became fierce. I was thinking "Adaengappaa... Anga enna irukku nu ekuipment ellaam maatthi try pannra (what is left over to show your versatility)". The whole thing was crowned by the finishing touch. Remember I said 3 on the front... So she left out a small strand of hair in the front (when I say front, I mean exactly the front - just the narrow streak that falls on your face when you pull down your hair on your face) and I was literally having a 'kudumi' in the front. :D The best part was, she asked me "Is everything fine?" and she honestly thought this is what I wanted. I was reminded of many comedy scenes, the top one being the Koundamani comedy from Gentleman where he says "Pottlam otta sonnaa okkaandhu otta paottu kondu vandhurukkaan paaru... Idhu rejetted" :)) Controlling my laughter and a bit of disappointment, I said "please make it even" and she gave the final touch of cutting down the last few long hairs left. In 20 minutes, I was transformed from first half Sethu to second half Sethu; and I paid 7$ for the quick service and 1$ tip for her attitude to work despite the extreme difficulty in moving her Yokozuna body.

The worst damage came from a couple of my colleagues. One asked me "Did you pay someone for this? Come on I would've given you my clippers" and another stared at me for about 3 minutes with complete shock on his face and then said "Worstu haircut". Before I could even respond, he left the place. :)) The first time I cut my hair in the US, I asked for 'army cut' and it was my fault to have uttered those two words. But today, I was cautious enough to give the instruction that gave me decent haircuts in the past... But as luck would have it, I ended up in a haircut worser than my first haircut and isn't it the right time to say "Kutthunga ejamaan kutthunga... Indha Amerikka kaaraingalae ippidi dhaan..." :))