The Chinky Chunk

But for a very few with whom I shared this incident, I guess the topic would be quite confusing, providing no real clarity on what I'm going to talk about. Never mind! You'll get to know as you read... :)

If you try to identify the speciality or the remarkably special characteristic of the US, the demographic cocktail out here would top the list. Caucasians, Hispanics, Asians, Indians, Africans... You name it and you'll find them in the US and this means that you have as many different flavors of English out here. At times, the English is so customized that you won't even recognize the language! But the most interesting of the lot is the Chinese version of English (Chinish?! :)) and one would love the way they speak as long as s/he is not the person who is supposed to understand what the Chinese person is trying to say! Seriously... You would find it so musical when a Chinese guy speaks English and the expressiveness in their sentences is just unbeatable. After all we are talking about people who exhausted the various combinations of rectangles, squares, lines and angles in the name of alphabets!! :) They almost perform a mono acting while trying to communicate; and sentences like "You don't fix the brake the car goes whohohohohoho (imitating a vibrating steering wheel)" are the building blocks of Chinish.

One thing that I never knew was that Chinese in US are called 'Chinky' by the people who take special interest in nick naming - Indians. :) Indians in US are called Desis, Mexicans in US are called Makkus (they might be offended if they knew what it means in Tamizh), Caucasians are called Goras and analogically Chinese are called 'Chinkies'... I guess now you got an idea on what I'm going to talk about... (You thought I already got into the topic?! Nice try!)

This Saturday I went into a Chinky 'hair studio' (that's how they called it) just for the sake of saving a couple of dollars (when it comes to spending, the desi in me starts roaring :D)... Usually I hate to wait but that day the studio ;) was kinda crowded and I had no choice but to wait! But pretty soon I realized that it's not a monotonous wait but it's entertainment altogether! Right from the moment I was welcomed with a couple of high intensity voices that got me stunned for a moment; the show started. An old Chinky man and a middle aged Chinky woman ran the show... The old man had a special zeal towards fantasizing and talking which kept him going on and on and on. On the other hand the Chinky lady was trying to be courteous and lively which made her crack jokes that left me laughing at her rather than the jokes. I was finding it difficult to control my giggle and I turned towards the pile of completely disinteresting magazines and pretended to choose one whenever I was smiling uncontrollably.

Like the classic comedy from the Tamizh movie Karagaattakkaaran where Goundamani says "Japaan la jackie saan koopptaaga...", the guy was telling all possible stories related to Chinese celebrities. "Jackie chan my good friend", "I teach Kung Fu... this just part time", "Jet Li you know... I taught Kung fu to Jet Li" and all possible fantasy stories in Chinish filled the air. Many would've noticed that barbers usually make their guests happy by comparing them to film heroes and our chinky was no exception. But since it is US and there were representatives from all ethnicities, the comparisons varied from Harrison Ford to Bollywood (I was the bollywood victim and I was thinking 'yenkittayaevaa?')!

Another class of comic moments you could encounter is desis 'being nice' to others in US :) They always smile and try to continue the conversation desperately failing to get the continuity and managing that with an artificial smile and a nod! Imagine a Gulte (from Andra) talking to the chinky lady about Oracle shares... Man... that was a sight indeed!

The best of the lot was when a Hispanic guy was getting his hair designed (afterall it's a studio!) and the conversation switched over to his kids. He said he had two kids and the Chinky lady who was completing the damage done by the senior chinky to my scalp got curious and questioned "Twins?" and our senior chinky replied "No twins... one by one!". I would've been ROTFL but for the electric razor just below my ears! :) When the conversation continued the senior chinky mentioned about a black lady who had twins one white and one black (world news you see) and all of a sudden he said "I had two puppies... brother and sister... both white puppies but mother black... if the hair is black it is black dog... if the hair is white it is white dog"! I was praying that the Hispanic guy shouldn't get offended while irresistably smiling at the statement.

When I paid the money the chinky lady said "Sanku... Next time come 1 o clock... you come just before open and you wait...", I thought why wouldn't I wait to watch such an entertainer!